Ooops, his Royal Highness has roped me into exposing myself…mind, body and soul, to the whole damned world (or at best…the 2-3 people who may actually read this).
I guess the first place to start is with a wee bit of info about us. We’re middle-aged. OK..we’re in our early fifties. I guess that makes us a couple of old farts…sexy old farts, but old farts nonetheless. It’s his second marriage (which means he’s an old hand at this), and it’s my first marriage (which means I’m so damn lost!).
I’m trying to find my way around this maze of personal relationships. Whenever I think I have everything figured out…he pulls a fast one on me and I’m back to square one.
Today was a good example. His magnificant Royal Highness was in full house-husband mode. (a word to the wise – when he gets into this mode…shut up and enjoy it!). He vaccuumed, he grocery-shopped, he dusted. He did all these things while I’ll squirreled myself away in the office and tried to earn a living with a minimal amount of swearing out aloud.
The grocery shopping should have been easy. It should have been a simple case of driving to the grocery store and methodically marking off everything on the list. Easy…right? Nope…not if you’re a man. Somewhere, in the middle of the grand grocery shopping trip, I get a phone call (I think this is where I condemn the invention of the cell phone). “Honey, sweetie, love of my life….didn’t you say you would like a radio for the living room? Wasn’t that mentioned somewhere in passing while you were three sheets to the wind and falling down drunk from an over-indulgence of wine? I’m sure I heard you say that.”
I knew I was lost. I knew the budget was blown to hell. I knew there was nowhere in hell he was coming home with just groceries.
I now have a fridge full of carrots, broccoli, brussel sprouts, onions…and a gorgeous compact radio/CD player in the living room.
Any chance I can write off the radio as a supplementary meat purchase?
He says: The grocery part was a piece of cake! She Who Must Be Obeyed wrote the list. The little living room stereo system was the tough part.
Man, did I sweat that one?! Do you know how many different systems are on at the stereo store? All playing the same rap tune, mind you. So, I started turning them all off. (Things are so much easier since they came up with I/O to mean “off and on”.)
Well, didn’t that attract a sales type. (Nice tie lad. It matches your sneakers.) He asks the silly question of the week. “How much would you like to spend, Sir?”
You’d think the kilt and the Scottish accent would have given it away. “I want a full surround sound system, with multiple CD changer, simple remote and mouse trap… And I want it really, really cheap.”
So, there we have it. New stereo system. And I got it cheap. I’m willing to put it in the fridge with the groceries if that will change the budget line. I’m not so sure I want to do a daily workout with the fridge door open though.
